Oh man, has it been a good week, good but tiring. The past week and a half have been a whirlwind and there wasn’t even all that much dating activity to speak of. Work has been steadily hectic, and I went on vacation, but not a vacation for my body! I went back to Cornell for my five year reunion and three crazy nights of heavy drinking with old friends and new, a very excellent time.
I suppose first we can flash back to my only date of the week last Wednesday. Looking back it seems kind of boring. I went on a third date with Organic Yoga girl, who will now be referred to Hand Job girl, because of her preferred method of getting men off. Come to think about it I may never refer to her again. The date was pretty non-descript. Ate some dinner, went for a walk, and then back to my place for some HJ action!
Ah that sounds so horrible! Who the fuck gives HJ’s anymore?!?! It’s messy and it doesn’t feel all that good until it is over. Seriously I might as well do it myself. Basically, she doesn’t want to do anything more than that until she is in a committed relationship. After this weekend that is not happening. Well maybe I will tell her what she wants to hear but keep playing the field. On to the good news, while visiting my alma mater I hooked up with not one but two girls who were both better than this one. It’s tough to come back to HJ so she might be out.
On Friday, I woke up at the fraternity house and went back to my dorm room on campus, where over the course of three days I actually never slept in. I had to go back up there for an organized wine tour with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. I took the back middle seat and waited for the bus to fill. The last chick on the bus happened to be some tall glass of water that lived in my freshman dorm, and I was never friends with her. She came to the back and sat with me. Through the course of the wine tour we got really drunk and developed a pretty good rapport. We were all flirty and took lots of pictures but nothing really happened.
In fact, once the wine tour ended, we parted ways and did our own thing. There were a bunch parties going on-campus, and we had our own friends to catch up with so it seemed we not be hanging out any longer. I was pretty drunk after the wine tour, and as the night wore on, I got more and more incoherent. At the close of the bars, I decided to walk back from the bar to the fraternity house with some friends. Out of nowhere, Tall Drink of Water appears, and all of a sudden we are walking hand and hand up towards the arts quad. I can’t really tell you what we talked about but at the top of the quad we were going to part ways. We made out for a bit and that was that. Looking back I wonder why I didn’t go back with her and try get some more but its all good.
You know why?? Because I got some more the next night! Yeah way more! Saturday night I found myself equally, if not more drunk than the previous nights. I spent some time on the arts quad, and fraternity house drinking. I almost even got arrested by campus police. Somehow later in the evening I found myself on the fraternity porch with nice undergraduate student in my lap. According, to others who were there we were sucking face all for quite a bit of time. Sucking face so hard I had to come up for air. At which point, I would profess my love for her to the crowd, say things like “Diry, Dirty!”
At some point shortly thereafter, I found myself upstairs with her in an undergrad’s room. With just enough time to get undressed we got kicked out by the unhappy tenant of the room. After that we went back to her place. You can guess what happened there. Next thing I know it is 10AM and I am in an empty bed. I roll around and realize I am in this chicks place, but don’t even know here name. Luckily, she had some sorority photo to tell me what I needed to know.
Sweet, sweet Shannon… I did know your name the night before as I shouted it out to the crowd. I had to leave shortly thereafter because her father was on the way. Eeek! But it was okay, it was a beautiful morning, the birds were chirping, and the sun was shining as I ended my weekend.
So as it turns out online dating is good practice for real life. If both of these sweet Cornell girls find there eye’s on this writing I would hope they find it somewhat tasteful. They are both intelligent and hot women who I would take out to dinner any day of the week so next time you are in town look me up…
Well, that’s all she wrote for this week, well this past week. I will need a few days to recover but I have atleast two chicks ready to go so expect some more stories soon.
I suppose first we can flash back to my only date of the week last Wednesday. Looking back it seems kind of boring. I went on a third date with Organic Yoga girl, who will now be referred to Hand Job girl, because of her preferred method of getting men off. Come to think about it I may never refer to her again. The date was pretty non-descript. Ate some dinner, went for a walk, and then back to my place for some HJ action!
Ah that sounds so horrible! Who the fuck gives HJ’s anymore?!?! It’s messy and it doesn’t feel all that good until it is over. Seriously I might as well do it myself. Basically, she doesn’t want to do anything more than that until she is in a committed relationship. After this weekend that is not happening. Well maybe I will tell her what she wants to hear but keep playing the field. On to the good news, while visiting my alma mater I hooked up with not one but two girls who were both better than this one. It’s tough to come back to HJ so she might be out.
On Friday, I woke up at the fraternity house and went back to my dorm room on campus, where over the course of three days I actually never slept in. I had to go back up there for an organized wine tour with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. I took the back middle seat and waited for the bus to fill. The last chick on the bus happened to be some tall glass of water that lived in my freshman dorm, and I was never friends with her. She came to the back and sat with me. Through the course of the wine tour we got really drunk and developed a pretty good rapport. We were all flirty and took lots of pictures but nothing really happened.
In fact, once the wine tour ended, we parted ways and did our own thing. There were a bunch parties going on-campus, and we had our own friends to catch up with so it seemed we not be hanging out any longer. I was pretty drunk after the wine tour, and as the night wore on, I got more and more incoherent. At the close of the bars, I decided to walk back from the bar to the fraternity house with some friends. Out of nowhere, Tall Drink of Water appears, and all of a sudden we are walking hand and hand up towards the arts quad. I can’t really tell you what we talked about but at the top of the quad we were going to part ways. We made out for a bit and that was that. Looking back I wonder why I didn’t go back with her and try get some more but its all good.
You know why?? Because I got some more the next night! Yeah way more! Saturday night I found myself equally, if not more drunk than the previous nights. I spent some time on the arts quad, and fraternity house drinking. I almost even got arrested by campus police. Somehow later in the evening I found myself on the fraternity porch with nice undergraduate student in my lap. According, to others who were there we were sucking face all for quite a bit of time. Sucking face so hard I had to come up for air. At which point, I would profess my love for her to the crowd, say things like “Diry, Dirty!”
At some point shortly thereafter, I found myself upstairs with her in an undergrad’s room. With just enough time to get undressed we got kicked out by the unhappy tenant of the room. After that we went back to her place. You can guess what happened there. Next thing I know it is 10AM and I am in an empty bed. I roll around and realize I am in this chicks place, but don’t even know here name. Luckily, she had some sorority photo to tell me what I needed to know.
Sweet, sweet Shannon… I did know your name the night before as I shouted it out to the crowd. I had to leave shortly thereafter because her father was on the way. Eeek! But it was okay, it was a beautiful morning, the birds were chirping, and the sun was shining as I ended my weekend.
So as it turns out online dating is good practice for real life. If both of these sweet Cornell girls find there eye’s on this writing I would hope they find it somewhat tasteful. They are both intelligent and hot women who I would take out to dinner any day of the week so next time you are in town look me up…
Well, that’s all she wrote for this week, well this past week. I will need a few days to recover but I have atleast two chicks ready to go so expect some more stories soon.
posted by Beezus H Christ at 4:06 PM
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